Thursday, March 3, 2011

Bigger Picture Moment: When Cravings and Hormones Collide

Yesterday, I came very close to declaring myself incompetent. 

By the bright and tender hour of 9am, I'd already forgotten both my daughter's lunch box and my empty gas tank.  We dashed across town to school, praying the fumes would carry us onward, and I fixed the left-behind lunch after gassing up on the way home.  It was all very fixable.

Fixable with nachos, that is. 

Because for some reason, the crunch and spice of carnival quality (or, lack of quality) nachos are what my body needs more than anything these days, I spent the morning fantasizing about them.  I considered 9:30 too early to indulge in such a snack, so I waited.  I wrote a little bit.  I folded some laundry.  I kept one eye on the clock, and at EXACTLY 11am I was out the door.  (In my slippers, no less.)

I drove to the nearest Taco Bell (because where else can you find the drippy kind of yellow cheese sauce that passes for food-product?  Seriously, where?  It's not Velveeta, it's not queso...it's an anomaly.) and whipped around the drive-thru.  I scanned the list of nacho options and decided all I really wanted (nay: NEEDED) was the plain old chips and dip, although the Grande choices and additions didn't seem half bad, either...

Finally at the cashier window, I rolled down my window, pulled off my sunglasses, and peered in at the gentleman cashier.  He looked at me with amusement, his eyebrows high. 

I stared back at him politely, waiting for...

Ah.  My mouth popped open as my misstep became clear.  I'd driven straight past the order-box, and now I was staring at a man who was wondering what sort of tomfoolery I could possibly be up to.

"Uh...I didn't....order...did I."  My face was hot despite the cool breeze. 

He shook his head with a belly laugh.  "Nope, you sure didn't.  Drove right past the box with your window shut tight."

I cleared my throat and rummaged in my coin holder, despite the fact that -- you know -- I still hadn't received a total.  "I, uh...I have no idea what just happened," I giggled nervously.  "Um, do I need to reverse and make an order, or..."

Thank goodness he said no, because my incapacity to order a 99-cent nacho would have surely precluded me from having the ability to drive backwards around a precise curve without also backing over the order box with my rear-fender. 

Still embarrassed, I ordered the nachos, paid, and (blessedly) pulled forward to meet the anonymity of the pick-up window. 

It was mortifying, but not so much so as to have made me abandon my craving.  I dove into the nachos like they were my last nachos, ever -- and they very well may be, because I don't plan on going through that drive-thru again in this lifetime.  (Thank heavens for dutiful husbands, though...)

To make myself feel better, I made my favorite homemade bread recipe for dinner that evening.  The recipe I've made a couple of times a month for the past...year?  The recipe I have memorized and cradled in my heart?

I made it wrong.  I forgot the salt and oil.  It was terrible.

To make myself feel better again, I thumped around the kitchen in search of lemons.  Not lemons but lemon-flavored snacks.  (Nachos to lemons in less than 12 hours...fickle.)  To my poor, confused husband, I lamented: "I need lemons.  Like...creamy lemons.  Creamy, cold lemons.  Creamy, cold, sweet lemons.  Like, lemon sorbet.  No!  Lemon ice cream." 

Ever helpful, Justin's eyes got bright.  "Hey!  Let's make some lemonade and freeze it until it gets slushy!"

I drew back in horror.  "That sounds disgusting!!"

And then I burst into tears.  He was only trying to help, and he was being so sweet, and he smelled so good, and I loved him SO VERY MUCH with a sudden FEROCITY that overwhelmed me...

It wasn't pretty.  I sobbed and snotted and heaved. 

Justin rushed out the door with a promise to fix me, and returned a few minutes later with a lemon cream-slush.  I was still catching my breath and drying my eyes.  The cream-slush was perfect in every way and I almost cried with joy and love and thankfulness.

And the meaning behind all of this hormonal incompetence? 

I woke up this morning with complete sanity.  Today is another day.  As will tomorrow be.  I'll get through this terror of widely-swinging cravings and hormonal shifts.

Plus, I found some nacho-cheese sauce at the grocery store.





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10 comments:

  1. Yum! If I wasn't so nauseated I would definitely be wanting some Taco Bell right now! I am right there with you - I just tried to log in to Itunes and it took me 20 minutes to figure out that I was typing the wrong password for the account that I have for almost 10 years.

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  2. Yikes! You should've listened to Justin though. He just invented Sicilian granita. Yum!

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  3. Oh boy, can I so relate to everything! My mind comes and go...it's quite lovely. My stomach craves odd things and my emotions don't know how to handle it all!
    Loved reading this! :)

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  4. Haha, definitely laughed out loud at this one! And can I just say that I also love the just plains chips and nacho cheese from Taco Bell? I don't think I've had that in years... I might have a craving of my own now!

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  5. Too funny!

    My problem in pregnancy is I lose my filter. I get all overly honest about everything. Normal me puts tact first. Pregnant me doesn't care. And loooves avocados. And hates chocolate.

    Enjoy you sweet lemon yumminess and that cheezy nacho saltiness! Or whatever else you crave!

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  6. I just laughed so freakin' hard I snorted -- at least seven times. And then I read it outloud to my sister. Who also snorted. And asked half way through, "Is she pregnant?" Which I forgot to add as a precursor to reading this. Because I was snorting from laughter.
    Thanks for that belly laughter! Also, I love you, Sarah! You make me smile!!

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  7. Oh, I remember those days! I am so glad that I don't have to go through it again. I think your husband sounds wonderful, he is super hero material for sure!! My craving was always ice cold watermelon in the middle of the night (and of course, when they were out of season!) That and chicken tenders with hot sauce. Don't know what I was thinkin!!!

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  8. Awww! Don't worry about such things too much (as in, what others think). My excuse when I did things like that pregnant was a big silly grin, a shrug and "Hey, I'm pregnant!" which nobody ever was nasty about.

    99cent "Nachos" with "Cheese" actually doesn't sound too bad right now! lol

    Congratulations on your coming baby!

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  9. I loved that!! I'm so glad I checked out your link! what a funny, human, sweet story about cheese(?),hormones, and a beautiful husband.

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  10. OKay, I'm a little behind on my blog reading so now yesterdays comments of nachos and lemon ice cream all make so much more sense ha ha. I just love you-I love your crazy cravings and your silly mishaps and your ability to share with everyone! (I have those problems without the excuse of pregnancy C= )
    P.S. thanks again for last night, we had a great time!! We should make that a regular happening.

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Hmm...And how did that make you FEEL?