My Knight In Shining Exoskeleton

After my horrifying experience with an alien bug the other day, I was in no shape for any more bug encounters. I was still in shock from the close proximity of the hairy-leggy creature, and feared for my levels of sanity when Justin pointed out a giganto cricket to me this weekend.


Like that's something I enjoy seeing.


Crickets, for some reason, are my biggest bug-fear. They jump incredibly far. Their spindly legs have, like, thorns on them. Their bulbous bodies are covered in shiny armour. Shudder.


Still, I couldn't stop myself from going to see what Justin had discovered. After all, if he was there he'd be the one to take care of it, so I could at least satisfy my curiosity by peeking around the doorway of the bathroom.

He was right. This cricket was monstrous. If it could've spoken, it's would've sounded eerily similar to James Earl Jones, I'm sure. It was perched on the shower curtain, at about waist height.


I handed him a fly swatter and backed away quickly to watch from a distance. I had to keep an eye on the situation - what if the cricket got away!? And I had to admit, there was a good chance it would get away since Justin was the one trying to kill it.

Now, he's completely capable of killing bugs. He has good aim; he's quick and steady. The thing is...he also likes to make me squirm. Very often, he'll poke at a bug, just to hear me scream when it jumps. He'll get within an inch of the insect and stare at it, pretending scientific interest. In the course of this examination it sometimes happens that the bug escapes, and I'm left huddled in a corner, bemoaning my fate in attracting a husband who would taunt me so.

This time, I didn't want him taking any chances. No pussyfooting. No games.

"Don't mess around Justin! Just kill it!" He bent down to get a closer look, and - nearing hysteria - I pleaded with him, "JUST KILL IT!"

I can understand how some might mistake pleading for yelling, but that was not the case, I assure you. I was in total control of my person. Kind of. Okay, I may have yelled.

This time I think the cricket was even too big for Justin's manly comfort level, and he nailed it on the first shot. Since it was clinging to a soft shower curtain with nothing behind it to lend support for a good smashing, Justin hit it really forcefully.

So forcefully, that bits and pieces of the enormous cricket went flying in all directions. Most of it landed on...my dear bug killer extraordinaire.

Poor Justin. If he's completely comfortable around bugs, he's the exact opposite around gross messy messes. There were cricket guts in his hair. On his face. On his arms.

I tried not to laugh. I tried not to consider this payback for all the times he's teased me when all I've asked is for him to kill a bug. I tried to work up the desire to help him find all the bits of goo and exoskeleton lodged in his hair.

I failed.

Now, we're even.