Friday, December 19, 2008

A Letter to My Fellow Grocery Shoppers

Dear shoppers,

The holidays are upon us, and I'd like to say a few things that have been on my mind. You all have been quite excitable lately, for obvious reasons. Of course you have festive dinners to prepare. You have party snacks and goody plates to assemble. This is understandable.

What I'd like to suggest is this: Save some groceries for me!

Some of us are a little behind the times as far as holiday preparations go, and when I make a trip to the super Wal-Mart, I'd like to be able to find a box of Crispix for my puppy chow. Alas, there are none. I'd like to locate a small bag of mini-pretzels to dip in melted chocolate. Again, you have cleaned them out. Are these requests unreasonable? I think not.

When a simple ingredient is all that stands between me and holiday cheer, I get cranky. After all, who knows what store in town will finally have those Crispix? I cannot be expected to drive all over creation for a box of cereal. (OK, that's not entirely true, as it has happened before.)

So please, if you happen to wrestle another shopper for that last box or bag, do me a favor and tell management to reorder again, pronto. I don't like to cry in the cereal aisle. You wouldn't want that would you?

Ever selflessly and generously yours,

Edited to add: Target customers? You rock. Thanks for leaving me some Crispix. You must not know the joy of puppy chow at Christmas-time. I hope someday you'll experience its crunchy/sweet goodness. Bless you.

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Hmm...And how did that make you FEEL?