It's strange: with the girls, I was always SO aware of the time passing and their babyhoods rushing past without pause. I was sad about it. I tried to gather that time to me in thin strands that, together, would be strong enough to HOLD STILL.
But now, with this third baby, it's different. I'm not mourning his superfast growth (because it IS superfast) as much as I am appreciating it. I'm actually excited about it. Suddenly, or probably NOT suddenly -- it's simply a lesson the girls' lives have taught me so far -- I can see ahead to what he might become. The little boy he'll be. The personality he'll develop.
Now, I can't see exactly. I'd be either rich or insane or both if that were a true capability.
I mean that I can see the possibility he holds nestled in his little fists, his tree-frogged legs, his squeals and smiles. Whereas before, I only noticed now with my babies.
I feel like my eyes have been opened. And not only for Landon: it's happening with the girls, too. I'm aware of their maturity in ways that are exciting and pleasant, rather than terrifying.
Growing is good.
It's full of wonder.
It's a grand mystery what my children will become, and I'm feeling incredibly lucky to be along for the ride. To watch them SHOW themselves to the world.
There is so much possibility cradled within each tiny soul. And forgive me:
I'm only beginning to understand.