Friday, October 7, 2011

The Hazards of Tropical Fruit Shopping

I went in to get a pineapple. 

Because: pineapples, right?  I've been popping bites of acidic fruit for days in hopes of jump-starting my labor.

Because: I've never been this pregnant in my life.

In my shopping cart, Lauren sang herself a song while I tried to keep a calm face.  There was no pineapple to be seen.  The entire, beautiful produce section was void of tropical fruit (for some reason; not that October has anything to do with it.).  I was very nearly distraught; a common habit for me this week.

From between the pumpkins and the grapes, a well-dressed lady smiled at me.  A very pretty lady.  One who made me want to waddle back home and at least apply some mascara or put on a pair of clean jeans. 

"Hi, how are you today?!" she chirped.

"Good, thanks."  No need to tell the poor girl the truth, right?  She seemed nice.

"Would you mind if I asked you a few questions?"

Uhm...I peeked over my shoulder, sure there was somebody else she'd rather be speaking with.  "Sure," I stammered.

"Great!"  She was clearly elated.  "We're asking people about their produce purchases today; do you ever buy organic?"

"Oh, yeah." I answered.  "I mean, sometimes."

"Why only sometimes?"

"Well it just depends on how much I think I can afford.  Organic is somewhat out of our price range in the grocery store."

I wanted to talk to her all of a sudden.  I wanted to allow my mind to detach from my non-laboring body -- from the moments ticking past that will allow me the natural childbirth I so hope for -- and latch onto other interesting things. 

I wanted to explain that buying from the farmer's market, while not always guaranteed to be organic, feels less like buying from a factory so if I can get to one and it has what I need, that's my preference.  I wanted to tell her that I'm usually willing to pay more for organic, free-range meats and chicken, and I like that my favorite store now sells cage-free eggs.  I wanted to tell her that organic is really wonderful, but sometimes discouraging: who can afford such extravagance?

She nodded and smiled encouragingly.  "That's what we're hearing a lot of lately.  Would you mind if I interviewed you?"

"Okay.  Or...wait.  Like, an on-camera interview?"  A young man had materialized by the lady's side with a piece of equipment.  He nodded.  She nodded.  "Oh, gosh...I would but..."  I pictured my puffy face, red nosed from bouts of anxious tears all morning.  I pictured my unwashed hair.  My chapped lips.

And suddenly, I was saying things again.  "I really would love to, but I'm just not feeling my best right now.  Today's my due date, and as you can see, I'm not having a baby yet.  So I've been a wreck for days, especially this morning.  I'd rather not talk on camera; I'm sorry!"

Tears were pooling on my lower eyelids.  I hadn't said a thing about organic produce, like I had intended.  Instead, I'd backpedaled onto my ever-present belly.

The lady looked overwhelmed.  (Understandably so -- sheesh.)  But the camera man, he was nodding sympathetically.  "I remember when my wife felt that way -- I completely understand."

I wanted to hug him.  But that would have made me cry some more.  So I apologized again, and walked away. 

To beg the produce-man to find me a pineapple from the back room.

Which he did.


  1. Pineapple. Yum. Thinking of you!

  2. Oh those harmones.
    And BTW, if you get hubby to grill burgers tonight, slice that pineapple, mix some lime juice, honey and black pepper and brush it on, grill until just lightly golden. DELICIOUS!!!

  3. Whenever I meet those sympathetic "been-there" dads, I want to call their wives and tell them they've got a good catch!
    Hope that pineapple is extra yummy!

  4. What a nice cameraman! And produce man!

    If I had known about pineapple when I was overdue with Nessie? I would have eaten one WHOLE. By the end there, I actually ate spoonfuls of dried oregano and basil because I'd read they could help start up labor. DO NOT RECOMMEND! :)

  5. I'm glad you got your pineapple! Any day now, I am sure.

  6. I want to hug you! So glad you got your pineapple. Hope you're savoring it!

  7. I hope you get to eat that entire pineapple all by yourself ... and that it works! Hugs! =>

  8. Oh hon! I am thinking of you! I haven't heard anything recently, but maybe soon?

  9. I never heard of the pineapple remedy but loved your post. I remember wanting the biggest watermelon in the store when I was pregnant (long hot summer) and a worried looking manager trying to help me reach it. He even carried it to my car and asked, "Is there anyone at home to help you take it out of the car?" (Was he willing to follow me home?) "Yes, my husband." Thank goodness. Congratulations on the beautiful baby boy!


Hmm...And how did that make you FEEL?