Thursday, July 7, 2011

Bigger Picture Moment: The Swelling

It's that time of pregnancy where we can no longer sit around idly and wait for the baby to make himself known.  While I would like to sit idly, it makes me feel itchy and nervous that we can't possibly finish the things that need to be accomplished before his birth and what if we don't find a vehicle that fits three car seats and he has to ride separately?!?! 

There are lists to be checked off.  Preparations to be made.  Transitions to be settled into.

Transition number one, is the combining of the girls' bedrooms.  And oh my goodness, putting two rooms of stuff into one room is mad-making.  We've pared and sorted and tossed and stored a giant load of kidstuff, all in the hopes that Mia and Lauren will adore being roommates for the foreseeable future. 

Not like they really have a choice -- it's this or...this.

The room-move has been a few weeks in the making.  I'd haul myself up and down from organizing a few things only to realize that the girls had unpacked my carefully purged toys from bags in the living room.  But slowly, progress was made.  One day, all of their clothes finally fit into a single closet.  The next, the contents of their dressers were successfully merged.  Soon, Mia wanted to pull her mattress into Lauren's room. 

Before we knew it, Mia's old room was nearly empty.

Empty of her.

This was the room she's filled with her presence since she was a few months old.  This was where she learned how to sing herself to sleep.  Where she first fell out of bed.  Where she lay breathing heavily each night, bathed in the glow of her closet's nightlight.

And this wasn't something I was expecting to feel.  It should be exciting!  We're making room for a sweet baby boy!  But...in order to do that, it feels like we're shoving Mia's babyhood to one side, relegating it to memory alone. 

Walking by her open, nearly empty bedroom each night had become an exercise in emotional-steeling.  Deep breaths would carry me past the doorframe, past the moonlight streaming through window blinds that don't need to be closed against sunset or sunrise anymore.  To step inside that quiet room was out of the question; only in daylight, with Mia still there playing on the floor, could I see that it was still the same room. 

Now, though, the rooms are fully switched.  Bedframes and dressers and shelves and toys and clothes.  All in one (crowded) place.



After all the swelling of emotion I weathered when I saw the other bedroom being emptied to make way for a crib and rocking chair, I didn't believe a second, positive swell of emotion would be forthcoming.

But on the first night of the completed transformation, another swelling did, indeed, begin: here is the room my girls will share.  Here are their beds, side by side.  Here their breathing will mingle as they dream.  This room will hear their secrets and shelter their growth.

And it was good.

I won't promise to avoid further emotional meltdowns for the next three months (because holy stinking heck -- only three months!), but at least I know now --

The swelling isn't so bad.  It carries you through to somewhere new and hopeful.




We're seeing the Bigger Picture through simple moments -- moments that force us to stop and take notice of the ways our worlds are important, meaningful, and beautiful. Please join here today! Grab the button, link up and then go forth to encourage the two people before you as they walk this journey of intentional living.




15 comments:

  1. How momentous!! I do hope the girls enjoy being roommates!

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  2. Oh, this took me back! I, too, felt torn as the preparation for new babies pushed certain elements of our older kids' baby-ness aside. I wanted to grab at all those details, clutch them together --the old and the new-- and not let go. You can imagine my emotions as we pulled out of the driveway to move several states north, away from the house we'd brought three of our four babies home to. My heart!

    I am glad you can already imagine the memories to be made in Mia and Lauren's new room, the giggles they'll share across from one another in the darkness. And soon there will be a sweet boy just down the way! So excited for all of you :)

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  3. That is exactly what we talked about doing if we had another baby. I shared a bedroom with my sister, and while we had our moments, it was nice to be so close. Although there were times we wished we had our own room like my little sister and my baby brother did...

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  4. Oh it's so poignant and bittersweet and beautiful! I'm clutching to my girls' babyhood with such a tight, fearful hand right now, and reading this makes me feel like maybe (maybe!) it will be okay if I let go a tiny bit.

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  5. this brought me back too, to growing up with my sister.

    It's crazy to picture that a family of 4 will soon be a family of 5 and it will be weird to picture it any other way once that occurs. But these months leading up to that transformation are emotional, and pregnancy hormones don't help. :-)

    Their room looks adorable.

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  6. I have felt this way, too, Sarah! And now that we have the bedroom space, my kids won't let me separate them!

    BTW, when we had 3 carseats we had a Dodge Magnum that fit them all, albeit tightly! So it IS possible!!

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  7. We are in the same boat, Sarah! Only a few months to go and time to start prepping for the new little one which means moving Ben to his "big boy room" which is completely adorable but still...STILL! It's a bed and not a crib. It's walls with Curious George and not the Winnie the Pooh mural. You capture the bitter-sweet anxiety-excitement perfectly! I am glad the girls get to share a room, I always dreamed of having a sister to whisper with in the dark!

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  8. This was really lovely, Sarah. I'm not thinking about adding a new baby into our family, but sometimes I feel that swelling. The sad swelling when I see my girls leaving babyhood behind and the happy swelling when I see them growing into childhood. You really captured the feeling --

    -- and the room looks great too, by the way!

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  9. Oh my goodness....

    I found you through Lucy the Valiant and can't believe that the post I already wrote today fits in perfectly with this theme, totally by accident. Well, by accident if you believe in that sort of thing....which I don't. It was meant to be!

    You will so enjoy adding that sweet boy. There will be more swelling and more goodness :)

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  10. It looks great! I can't wait to see the baby's room! I can't imagine all the firsts and everythings happening in the same room....Savannah is now on her 5th bedroom if you count her sharing one with us @ the in-laws. Is it possible that she has lived in as many houses as she is old?! Yikes. Well anyhoo I am excited for you and all your changes, and emotions are what make it all so great!

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  11. All of this helps to lay foundations for the new normal, doesn't it? Pretty soon, you'll be holding your sweet son and wondering what life was like before him. I'm telling you what you already know -- the swelling, it does. It takes you there.
    Beautiful post, as always, Sarah.

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  12. the new room looks great! organizing is so much work... sounds like you're quite busy! if you have any extra time, I FINALLY started a blog of my own (and it's very new and in need of major help) so if you can drop by and give me any advice I would totally appreciate it! it's www.moseymusings.blogspot.com , thanks!

    ~Melissa

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  13. Hi Sarah! I found you when I read Dwija's beautiful post today, and lo and behold, your post is beautiful too!

    I can SO relate to that feeling, walking by your child's empty room (only mine was because we were moving. again.) That swelling of emotion. I picture it like ocean swells. What a lovely choice of words!!!

    Thank you for creating this wonderful prompt; believe it or not (JUST LIKE DWIJA, gosh she must be getting sick of me following her all over the blogosphere and having coincidental moments right alongside her HAHA) I too had my post all mapped out today, and it fits to a T. So as soon as I hit publish, I'm linking up too. Thank you again! Can't wait to keep coming back!

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  14. If it makes you feel better, some of my best childhood memories are staying up for hours talking and giggling with my sisters :-) It will be so great for them!

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  15. Hi Sarah,
    I don't even remember the route I took to your blog, but I am happy to have found it! It is lovely and I look forward to reading more.

    And, I have to laugh because I am also Sarah (yes, with the "h") and married to a Justin :)

    I also just submitted a link to your Simple Moments! Just so happens that I had a simple moment of my own yesterday.
    Cheers,
    Sarah

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Hmm...And how did that make you FEEL?