Sneak

In the quiet of the kitchen, I stood hunched over the counter. 

Before me was two-year-old Lauren's purple pumpkin bucket, filled with all manner of candy bars that weren't mine.  As I hadn't been the one to sweetly sing trick or treat! at the desks of my husband's coworkers, I had no claim on the candy bars.  Still, I coveted them.

I glanced over my shoulder -- Mia was smashing three colors of play-doh together at the kitchen table, absorbed in her work.  Lauren was singing quietly in the back of the house.  Slowly, so slowly, I dropped my hand into the bucket and plucked out a piece of candy I knew my toddler was too young to fully appreciate: a Reese's peanut butter cup. 

She'd never savor it the way I would.  She'd also never notice its absence.  I peeled open the wrapper as carefully as my shaking fists would allow; it had been nearly 30 minutes since my last chocolate fix.

Again, I stole a peek at Mia.  She was still busy.  I listened for Lauren...but heard nothing.  She was suddenly silent.

Is she...I wondered...trying to go number two?!  She'd been accident-free for days, but still needed some encouragement with pooping on the potty -- I hoped her silence didn't mean that she'd chosen the easier, messier route of relieving herself in her underpants. 

In my hand was the now-completely unwrapped peanut butter cup.  Reverently, I nestled it back into its paper cup, swearing I'd be back for it momentarily.  I'll never let go, I promised. 

With much stealth and speed, I tip-toe-ran down the hall, seeking out my silent toddler.  I didn't want to startle her into movement that would spread the mess down her legs if she'd already begun but I needed to stop her before she got started if she hadn't already begun.  I found her on her sister's bed, face down, bottom up.  Oh no...I thought...I'm too late.

"Lauren?" I began.  "Do you need to go poo-poo on the potty?" 

Her head popped up at my question, but not in defiance or fear.  The look on her face was pure, beaming pride.  "Mama," she crowed, "I'm eatin' Mia's candy!  Look -- I got in her bucket and dugged and dugged and I found some lots of candy corns and I'm EATIN' them ALL!"

Sure enough, her mouth was sticky and oddly-colored.  In the midst of being grateful that she hadn't actually pooped her panties, I began to punish her both for stealing her sister's candy and sneaking it without my permission, but then...

An innocent image of the stolen peanut butter cup accosted my sensibilities.  It lay still in the kitchen, waiting for my promised return.  If I left it there, perhaps wrapping it back up for Lauren to find another time, I could rightfully punish my sneaky child's theft.  I thought for only a split second before planting a wide grin on my face. 

To Lauren, I said, "As you were, my child."

To the peanut butter cup, I said, "Hello, my lover."