Monday, June 21, 2010

How NOT To Do It

1.  Give in to your daughters' pleas for an inflatable swimming pool.  Agree to get one this very day.  Promise a morning of swimming followed by a picnic.

2.  Drive to the inflatable pool store (the one with the big red bulls eye out front) and fill the cart with approximately 18 items besides the inflatable pool before remembering you need an inflatable pool.

3.  Decide the daughters need new bathing suits, but forget to specify that they may not get the tutu-bottomed, sequin-covered, princess-propaganda'd suits on the corner rack.  Breathe a sigh of relief when they are satisfied with normal, adorable one-pieces. 

4.  Exit the store with eight bags instead of the expected one. 

5.  Walk across the parking lot which is now tented over with dark, rolling clouds.  The sky is choppy and menacing.  Try to keep the wind from whipping your hair into your eyes while steering the cart straight. 

6.  Let each girl hold her new bathing suit on the drive home.  Act pleased when the toddler has inserted her arms into the suit's legholes, and her legs into the suit's armholes.  Disentangle her and escort both children -- hopping with excitement -- into the house.

7.  Listen to the one thousand requests for the pool! the pool! blow up the pool! and try not to raise your voice when requesting patience.

8.  Search the house and garage for a pump, but find nothing.  Wonder why you bought a pool that required so much air to make it work.  Sit down on the floor, and begin to inflate the pool with your own lungs.

9.  Admit that the house is tilting and wonder why you feel drunk so early in the day.  Realize you're lightheaded from a lack of oxygen or a buildup of carbon dioxide or something else that you still wouldn't understand even if you weren't drunk from blowing up a pool in the middle of the morning.

10. Stumble your way out the door to the yard, tripping over the hose and giggling at the super-long snake it appeared to be. 

11. Stop giggling when you feel several sprinkles on your clammy, oxygen (or whatever)-deprived skin.  Notice that the sky is darker and the clouds are moving faster.

12. Stick the hose in the pool, and begin filling it with water. 

13. Back inside, find two naked little girls, trying to put their own bathing suits on.  Praise their independence, but help them turn the suits around so they're less wedgie-inducing.  Slather them with sunscreen, despite the lack of sun outside.  Believe the sun will pop out again soon, as rain was not seriously in the forecast.

14. Clean up a puddle from under your not-yet potty-trained toddler's feet.  Refuse her demands to change into a cleaner suit.  Watch her dissolve into a fit of tears and irrational screaming.  Carry her outside anyway, wet bottom and all.

15. Smile at your happy preschooler, sloshing and splashing in the cold water.  Try very hard to convince the toddler to do the same.  Fail.

16. Stand toddler -- barefooted -- in the grass, and listen to her wail and scream some more from the wet grass sticking to her clean feet.  Rinse her dirty feet off in the clean water, and listen to her wails and screams slowly dissipate into cautious acceptance.  But she still refuses to immerse anything but her feet in the water.

17. Stand back and enjoy the show.  For only 5 minutes, though, before a few hearty raindrops begin to fall.  Take a handful of pictures to prove the summery-ness of your summer for posterity (or blog-sterity).

18. Try to encourage the children to swim despite the few raindrops here and there.  Grow discouraged when the toddler melts down from being splashed too enthusiastically by the preschooler. 

19. Haul the toddler inside, clinging to your hip, neck, and chest like she's been rescued from a sinking ship, rather than an inflatable pool filled with 6 inches of water.  Rest her on a towel and return to dry off the preschooler.

20. Let your daughters have a picnic on the living room floor, naked except for diapers and panties, on an old baby quilt.  Watch the rain fill up the rest of your inflatable pool.  Wonder if the pool was worth the $15 it cost, and decide it was, if for no other reason than the mid-morning buzz it provided you with. 

21. Scold your cynicism.  Enjoy your peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the floor next to your daughters


  1. Too funny! So been there. My toddler is a screamer and fit thrower at having a wet swimsuit except she thinks once it gets one in the pool it must be changed. Makes for fun swimming I tell ya!

  2. And that is why this year I got a hard plastic kiddie pool with no plug.

  3. $15?!?! Wow! That's an expensive pool! I can't believe you blew it up yourself either! I mean, with your own lungs? That's power!

    Their bathing suits are super cute though. We're desperate for new suits over here. Katherine's still wearing hers from last year--and it was cute last year, but now it's nearly indecent.

    Next time, wait for a super sunny day, fill the pool up early and don't let them swim until almost evening. I bet Lauren will like it better when the water's tepid...although, with a pool at your parents house, what are you doing with the inflatable version anyway? I like the way you proved the summery-ness of your summer though. It certainly *looks* like fun!

  4. Haha, love it! And I am SO impressed that you blew that thing up by yourself! No wonder you were a little buzzed!

  5. I loved this! So true. Thanks for sharing the realities of a normal day. I think we've all been there. Thanks for the chuckle!

  6. Extremely impressed you did not pass out blowing up that pool!! The suits are adorable, if you ask me (or even if you didn't) I like the ones without the princess ads on the front!

    You could definitely play those pictures all summer and make us all think those girls spent every day in the water!

    I agree with Emily, much easier to go see grandparents!

  7. I LOVE their suits!! Cute! :) And your description of the morning is hilarious! Yet, I feel the exhaustion of it all myself. =)

  8. :) This sounds like my last trip to the science museum with Levi. We ended up in a rainstorm, and the lights went out. When we finally were able to get to the car, Levi said, "That was fun!" The nice thing about kids is that they don't really notice when everything is going wrong.

  9. Ah, perseverance - the solution to most of life's challenges

  10. Oh, Sarah! This was priceless and hilarious. So that's all u need to get through the morning? A $15 blow up pool is so what's in our future! Lol

  11. What a production :) But I'm sure it was so, so worth it!
    Paige has the same swim suit as Mia - love it! I just packed it for our trip up to see Maegan tomorrow! (and yeah, they had some pretty awful choices for swimsuits!!)

  12. I think that's how it's done...

  13. I'm seriously cracking up right now. The best thing is that you kept a good attitude, enjoyed the morning, and had fun with your girls. We all just need to keep this perspective and the tantrums and meltdowns won't seems so bad. Thanks for making me laugh!

  14. It looks like the girls had a blast! And those swimsuits are adorable. The store with the big red bullseye out front is the first place I want to shop once we land in the U.S.!!! Can't wait!

  15. this is SUCH a cute post!! When my youngest daughter was two she would SCREAM at her sisters who would splash her in the face. She still doesn't like getting water in her face, but at least now she doesn't cry about it. :)


Hmm...And how did that make you FEEL?