Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I Can Quit Any Time I Want

We had just a few minutes yesterday between washing up from our afternoon walk and piling into the car to head out for a quick dinner. And when any spare moment presents itself, I'm usually doing one of two things: Checking my blog for comments or sneaking a bite of baked goods. Since dinner was imminent, I opted for the former. Also, I was fresh out of baked goods.

I bent down to the screen and logged on to my computer for a quick check, but nothing happened. The internet wasn't working. I tried to reconnect, tried to wither its tenacity with harsh touchpad taps, but it wasn't happening. We left for dinner. I was only slightly peeved. I had faith in the internet -- the perfect, glorious, friendly internet -- to be there for me when I got home.

One greasy, delicious, frozen-custard-topped dinner later, and we were home again. The girls were running around with pre-bedtime/post-sugar energy to burn, so I oozed over to the computer, fully expecting to log on with nary a problem.

Except...

A network cable is unplugged. Uhm...but...I have...wireless...though...

This computer has limited or no connectivity. What the heck is connectivity? Like, cords? BUT WE'RE WIRELESS.

Would you like Windows to search for a solution to this problem? Well, duh. I obviously have no idea what to do. Also, hurry up!

I clicked the buttons to begin the solve, and went about the business of getting the girls ready for bathtime. I was suddenly convinced that I'd missed tons of comments by this point, waiting to be approved by a connectivity-challenged blog owner. I was being rude! People would be trying to contact me and feel like I was ignoring them! Plus, I had two posts in mind that I needed to write down before they dissolved into forgotten bits of idea. This just wouldn't do.

I picked up my smaller laptop and carried it to our bedroom, closer to the modem and router. I say that like I know what it means. I don't; I was just following the instructions on the screen, and hoping for a sudden burst of network connection. But I guess a computer isn't like a cell phone, where sometimes waving it in the air will pick up a better signal...which I only tried a few times...because nothing was boosting my internet access.

I began to really worry. It had become such a necessary part of my day...making contact with people through my blog, through Facebook, through email...that I was uncertain how to proceed without it. I'd have to find some other way to contact people. I'd have to go to my brother's house, or the library, or Starbuck's. I'd have to put a disclaimer on my blog apologizing for the lack of posting because I was stuck in the dark ages with no internet. I'd have to disable comment moderation so the comments wouldn't be stuck in my dashboard for days at a time while I searched for ways to find a blessed connection.

On the other hand, I could read a book during naps and all evening without interruption. I could get the house super clean. I could go to bed early.

But what about my friends? What would I be missing out on while their blogs and Facebook statuses kept moving forward and I remained behind?! And by this time, hours had passed with no ability to check for comments on my latest post. I was sure I'd have a long list of thoughtful comments to approve...I NEEDED MY INTERNET!

I gave up hope of ever figuring out the problem on my own and began whining to Justin about the dismal state of our internet connection. He stopped what he was doing to look at the computer, and I tried to find joy in picking out pajamas and filling the bathtub.

No sooner than I'd gotten the girls undressed and into the bathroom, Justin peeked his head around the door. "You owe me one," he smirked.

"YOU FIXED IT?!?!?" I rushed to the nearest computer, and behold: Yahoo was greeting me with such fascinating topics as Sharapova's recent fashion blunder in Australia, and a discovery about a new species of warbler. I logged onto Blogger with relief, knowing I'd be swamped with comments to be moderated. My poor, loyal readers. They'd probably thought I'd deleted their comments by now! I'm coming! I thought, Never fear!

My beloved dashboard popped up, and there...

1 comment is awaiting moderation.

Okay. So I wasn't hurting tons of people's feelings with my hours of disappearance. And that one comment was so sweet, it made me immediately happy. Like a shot of some addictive drug, right to my ego.

Ahhh, the internet. It's a beautiful, ugly thing.

25 comments:

  1. And THIS is why I have a phone that allows me to check my email! And I don't moderate comments- that would make me even more obsessed!!

    I'm glad this story has a happily ever after ending.

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  2. "A beautiful, ugly thing" -- good way to put it :)

    Glad it all worked out!

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  3. Yep, I would've had a good, old-fashioned hissy fit :)

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  4. Welcome back to the New Age, glad you didn't stay to long in the "dark ages" !!!! But it did make for a seriously funny post!

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  5. It's funny because it's true.:)

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  6. I'm just dying to know.....how did Justin fix it? Did he find the unplugged wiresless router? Did he have a secret magic wand that he waved over the computer? Did he ask a priest to bless it? How????? Inquiring minds want to know.

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  7. Marcos - He jiggled some cords on the modem and router, then did a rain dance or something...but I'm sure he would have preferred to have a priest bless it :)

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  8. YES! I'm totally sighing in relief that it's not just me that's completely addicted.

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  9. So glad you're back to "the real world" here in bloggy land! You would've been deeply missed!

    And only you could make such a *disturbing* situation cute and laughable. Thanks for telling it.

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  10. This made me laugh and laugh.
    Because we have all been there.

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  11. We just made a rule that the computer stays shut down except between 12 and 4 pm. And it stays shut down all day on mondays. I have no idea how I am going to live. On the other hand, I am getting more done. *sigh*

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  12. My internet connection was down for a WHOLE DAY last week. By the end of the day, I was trying to figure out how I was gonna pay bills without it. Or find directions. Or figure out what to cook for dinner. Yeah, I can quit anytime I want...

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  13. Your too funny! Our internet connection is completely unreliable. It'll just go out for days without a word of explanation, which makes me CRAZY!

    But, I'm thinking you're pretty sophisticated with your wireless internet and your laptop...so maybe that's my problem. I'm glad you're back on-line though. I would've missed you!

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  14. Young Mom - I'm amazed that you'll be surviving on 4 hours a day! 18 months ago, I could have done it...but now? My evenings are my best writing time. Good luck to you!

    Sarah - A whole day? New gray hairs would have sprouted on my head :)

    Emily - Who, me? Sophisticated? Not on your life...I HAVE these things, but am totally ignorant of their capabilities. But you'd better believe I take advantage of them, ignorance and all!

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  15. The Internet...we'll never get out alive!

    I'm so addicted to my Internet connection. My computer pretended to die last week (but it was just kidding! Haha!) and I thought I would go INSANE.

    Actually, I AM insane, and I have a very good reason to know that your comment moderation anxiety is SO JUSTIFIED, and I tried to tell that reason in this comment THREE times, but I keep deleting it because it is SO EMBARRASSING, so I won't tell you! But rest assured, we are as addicted to you as you are to nurturing your blog!!

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  16. Lucy - Ok, now. Quit with the carrot dangling...what are you TALKING about? You must dish. I order it, in the name of heavenly embarrassment. If you tell me your embarrassing moment, I'll tell you mine :)

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  17. Sarah, we have wireless at our school but the router is old, very old by tech standards..... 5 years old. So anyway I used to be able to access wireless in my classroom but with the age of the router the signal strength was getting weaker and weaker. At first I could stand in the hall, grab a signal and then get back to work in my classroom but as time drew on I would have to inch my way further and further down the hall! Until one day I had to actually step into the classroom that housed the router, with my laptop to access the feed. That all stopped the day my principal saw me jogging down the hall laptop in hand standing in the doorways of my fellow teachers classrooms! The tech guy came in and wired a phone jack cord and now I have to use my laptop plugged it!!! I know it is so 2002 but what can I say at least I can check my e-mail and your blog!
    Annie~

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  18. HILARIOUS! My power went out the other day while I was in the middle of finishing up a post. The battery was full on my computer, so that was fine; but it meant that my modem was down. I couldn't save. I couldn't navigate to another page. I was starting to lean toward a slight panic, but I'm not addicted like you, so there was no full blown panic attack.

    Also, the power was back on in less than 30 seconds.

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  19. Ugh. Okay. Well, see, if it was just "Lucy is a huge dork" kind of embarrassing, that would be one thing! But it MIGHT be "Oh, that was exactly what I meant... AWKWARD" kind of embarrassing, in which case, lo, I am embarrassed indeed.

    And in either case, you probably won't love me anymore!!

    But I can't ignore a heavenly mandate. Sigh.

    So I left a comment here one time? And it never got approved, and so I started racking my brains trying to see if I was accidentally offensive or insensitive or something, only I couldn't really remember what I wrote because I commented like FIRST THING when I woke up, and I wasn't all the way awake.

    So I worried for a while longer, and then I thought, 'well, MAYBE I didn't really hit publish or something... I'll just email Sarah, and see if she got it, and apologize JUST IN CASE I made her mad, and explain how I didn't mean to make her mad, I LURV her, and would like to spend my days baking her cookies and composing poems in her honor! (see above, re: Lucy is a huge dork)and whatever I said (if I said anything at all) I TAKE IT BACK!!!

    And then I was halfway through that email, when I started to wonder if maybe you HAD gotten my comment and it HAD made you very angry, and you were just being very gracious and sweet by not approving it and yelling at me. And then if THAT was the case, then you would get my email and then have to email me back and be all, "yeah, you were a jerk, man" and WHY would I put you in that position when you were being nice and not yelling at me?

    So I just...worried for a while. And commented on your posts and you approved them, so I figured you couldn't hate me TOO much, and then you commented on my posts and so I figured if I HAD made you mad then maybe I was forgiven? And also that I am ridiculously crazy and this is why I have no friends in real life!

    Oh, I am just writhing in shame, either way.

    So:

    IF I am just a HUGE dork (that 'if' there was pretty unnecessary, I think) I would like to say that I AM NOT A STALKER, HONEST. Really. I just love you and your blog and your comments a whole lot, and have come to feel that the Internet is a barren and desolate place without them!

    And IF you saw my comment and it made you mad, I would like to say that I am VERY sorry, and I meant to be very supportive and sweet and complimentary, and to emphasize my earlier point that I LOVE YOU, MAN. In my defense I can say that it was very early in the morning and my typing skills are deteriorating at a shocking rate (I keep typing 'writing' for 'writhing' and things like that, which could alter meanings greatly)

    and...yeah. No matter how you spin it, I am a great big loser. In fact, I DEFY you to top this with your most embarrassing moment. This is un-toppable loser-laid-bare stuff of legends, right here.

    Which, is cool...builds character, right? And clearly, I could use a good dose of Get Over Yourself, Lucy.


    But if you don't respond to this comment I will most likely eat my keyboard. In fact, I might do that right now, regardless, because I think it is becoming evident that I need to lose my Written Word privileges for a while.

    The End

    *does a curtsy*

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  20. Oh Lucy -- Can't... type... hyper... venti... lating... from... laughter... gimme... a... minute...

    Deep breath. I love you too :) And I promise, no comment of yours has ever offended me. Au contraire. I look so forward to them all! But, I'm beginning to suspect a Blogger bug or something, because I never got a comment from another blog friend awhile back (and she DID email me to make sure I wasn't offended) as well. Next time, email me sister! I can't live without your amazingly funny and sweet comments! Also, I try to never ever delete comments. Unless I see that it's a duplicate (like someone thought it didn't go through because I use moderation?), and then I delete the duplicate for the sake of my commenter.

    Case in point (and here comes MY embarrassing moment): I said something last week on Quick Takes that seems to have stepped on a Power-Mom-Blogger's toes. I was merely trying to state how much I'd come to love the sense of community afforded by blogging, and how much I appreciate my own little (inconsequential in the great big blog world, but highly talented and gorgeous nevertheless) circle of blogging buddies. But in my late-night hurry-up-and-finish-this-post way, I said it wrong and it came out in a nasty way, I guess.

    So guess who SOMEHOW showed up and commented on my blog-foot in blog-mouth moment? One of those semi-famous mom bloggers. And she was definitely not happy about my innocent faux pas. When I got her comment (which I SO BADLY wanted to just delete, for the sake of MY flaming cheeks) I was MORTIFIED. I swear, my face got super red for the entire time it took me to read and decide how to respond. That's right: Me, home alone, staring at the computer, and blushing. So embarrassing.

    But, this is why I love blogging. Only my as-yet-unused webcam will see my red cheeks when I embarrass myself. As opposed to, Oh, Say, the torture of HIGH SCHOOL? When it happened on a daily basis?

    Yeah. I do better with a keyboard. (Which I don't recommend you eat, by the way. I have a feeling that would *hurt* on the way back up. And with your track record for food consumption these days? Steer clear, my friend.)

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  21. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!!!!

    Very sheepish, but so very, very relieved. :)

    I'm also so glad I didn't make you mad!

    And I SAW that comment, and was like, OMG, Sarah is in the Big Time now! But I didn't think that you said anything in a nasty way at all... I thought you were just saying that for you, blogging has gone from being a spectator sport to being a community. It didn't sound hateful to me... it sounded happy!

    I think you're right about they keyboard though... Lately I haven't been eating POPCORN for fear of how it would feel coming back up. Just as well, though. I hate to think of the Internet withdrawals I would have now that I know I haven't mortally offended you!!!

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  22. Can I step in and say that I must be a stalker, since I just had to read that entire exchange and enjoyed it immensely?! Lucy, you're not alone - I had the same thing happen to me on another blog, and I spent hours that day worrying over if I had offended someone!

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  23. On the other hand, I could read a book during naps and all evening without interruption. I could get the house super clean. I could go to bed early.

    These are my EXACT enticements when I imagine giving up the internet.

    Like a shot of some addictive drug, right to my ego.

    Precisely.

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  24. i am horribly obsessed with my relationship with my computer. my husband says i'm having an affair with our computer. maybe its true. i'm glad you got it fixed!! all is well is the blogosphere once again.

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Hmm...And how did that make you FEEL?