Here's What I'm Thinking

1. What if, while sedated for my wisdom teeth removal tomorrow, I pee my pants in the operating chair? How embarrassing would that be?

2. Will Lauren still want to nurse after I've gotten all the anaesthesia out of my system, or will she have gotten used to cow's milk by then and offer me a simple peace out sign on her way to the fridge?

3. Will Justin want to have any more kids after having the sole guardianship of the girls while I'm conked out? (Or will he offer me a simple peace out sign on his way to the gym?)

4. How big will my cheeks actually get?

5. What if the anaesthesia doesn't take hold all the way, and I'm left lying there without any way to tell the surgeon that I can feel every slice and tug?

6. Is there any possible way for the surgeon and nurses, etc. to NOT notice the brand new shiny red pimple on the tippy tip of my nose? Will I, on some level of consciousness, hear their Rudolph jokes?

7. Will my brother manage to sneak a video camera into his pocket and get frightening proof of me being a stupidly drugged up wacko while he drives me home, despite my warnings of cruel and unusual punishment if he does so?

8. How many days can I feign a medicated stupor before I'm required to step back into the daily routine of raising kids?

9. On the other hand, how many hours can I stand being away from my daughters' every movement, breath, and giggle?

10. Does Wendy's deliver Frosties?