The Hot Mommies Preschool

Usually when I drop Mia off at her school-that-isn’t-really-school-yet, I’m not looking my best. And this is bad, because she is currently going to the Toddlers With Hot Mommies Preschool, apparently.

They let us in for affirmative action purposes, I believe.

I wake up at the last possible minute on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, hoping for a spare moment to pick out clothes that are reasonable for the weather, while also matching. My hair is cow-licked up the back, and I’m pretty sure you can see the red indented ovals that my glasses left on my nose. Breakfast is a no-go. Showering is a no-go. Getting the girls fed and dressed takes up all of my already meager early morning energy.

I pray for the day that magically morphs me into a morning person. Around the start of a new season or after a long holiday break, I make myself get up early to shower and get ready so I’m presentable for meeting other humans. This short-lived habit always fades by about the 4th time. I think I’d really benefit from some time alone to ready myself for the day before the kids wake up. But until then, I don’t look put together until later in the day, if at all.

Not the Hot Mommies, though. If I were guessing, I’d say they’re up an’ at ‘em before the sunrise. Sipping lattes while they apply perfect makeup and style gorgeous hair. Their clothes always match, but more than that, they fit over well-sculpted bodies. Leading me to believe that these Hot Mommies get to the gym before I’ve even hidden my face in my pillow for the first of many times in the morning.

This theory is affirmed when I see the Hot Mommies in sporty spandex bounding energetically, - perky ponytails swinging - from their sparkling SUV’s. That is, when they’re not dressed perfectly in stylish fashions. Well, what I assume are stylish fashions. I know almost nothing about style.

To be fair, there are some other normal moms like me at this preschool. I just don't notice them because they blend in to the shadows like me, dwarfed by the Hot Mommies.

I skulk past on my way to Mia's classroom, hoping nobody will speak to me and notice that I forgot to brush my teeth before I left the house.

Ah, me. No Hot Mommies here. Just us chicken legs.