They are arguing again.
They are arguing again, and it's over nothing important. Something stupidly inane enough to make me want to claw at my chest with irritation. What is it about bickering that makes me so crazy?
I step out of my body in those moments and see a second Sarah. One who is trapped in a dark, bricked box. She pounds her fists and elbows against the walls, scratching at the corners. Sparks fly from her fingers and toes, finding no tinder, dying on the floor. She screams with her head thrown back and rips at her scalp with torn and bloodied fingers. There is simply no escape, though, and nobody to hear her.
She sinks to the floor, leans into a corner, and takes a shaky breath. Whispers a threatening curse.
When I step back into my body, I feel better. The steam is evaporating and all I am left with are two little girls, irritated girls, and I wonder:
are they trapped and clawing and yelling within their own boxes?
And relying on me to unhinge their walls?
But no, the box for me is my patience. It is where I keep my outbursts. It is my secret place, where nobody can see me as I fall apart and apart and apart, swirling sand in a leftover tidepool.
So the sisters aren't in boxes at all. They are spinning wildly in free air, throwing scowls instead of disguising them. Stomping on sibling toes instead of kicking against unmoving walls.
For a minute, I envy them that freedom.
And then I feel my throat, tight from a held-in scream, burning from a not-released cry, and it grounds me. Like a lightning rod grounds a bolt of electric fire: it takes the heat and current, and moves it along to somewhere it cannot cause harm.
I bury the lightning in my belly, and move forward.
They are sisters, and this is normal, and I carry the lightning so we don't all burn the house down with our feelings.
I'm linking up today with Heather for Just Write. Because I just needed to write. Sometimes it's my lightning pole...
Go check out all the people who are Just Writing at The Extraordinary Ordinary! It's a veritable party of thought. Good stuff.