Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Whoa, Here She Comes...

As long as we're spilling things (we are spilling things, right?), I have a confession to make.  It sounds odd, since I've known we were on this treacherous path for several years now, but...

the truth is...

I'm not a minivan fan.

Shocking, I know. 

It's just that these child-carting vehicles seem so laden with stereotypes, and even though I fit those stereotypes, I haven't wanted a minivan.  Like I could secretly buck the system and claim independence with  a big, fat SUV, instead.  But really, don't those come with their own set of stereotypes?  (And large loan payments?)

But here I am, 6 weeks away from having one child too many to fit in our other car, and I must tell you...

We now own a minivan.  Place me in whatever category you must, but let me assure you: This Thing is Awesome.  Really.  I've never been so pleased with a car purchase before!  Load me up with soccer balls, fill my storage area (which is surprisingly spacious!) with groceries, and hop on board for a ride in the best car ever.  Er, best minivan ever. 

The only problem so far seems to be that I can't park the thing.  I'm the one making three-point turns to maneuver us into a spot only to step out and notice that I'm still crooked.  What is it with this?  I have pretty good spatial relations and a near-flawless parking history, but the minivan, she's a conundrum to me.  This has led to some fairly embarrassing situations, in which an entire line of kindergarten-pick-up parents have probably snickered behind their tinted windows at the mom backing up...then pulling forward...then backing up...then pulling forward...

and still being catty-cornered across the last available parking space in the lot. 

No bother, I think.  Surely when I heave myself from the minivan and up the sidewalk to retrieve my daughter, they'll notice the belly that must be throwing off my center of parking gravity.  Maybe my off-balanced midsection will distract them from the parking debacle they just witnessed, or at least I'll be granted some forgiveness. 

And lest you think this belly is anything other than eye-catchingly huge, here's a fun anecdote from today: I made a Target cashier laugh spontaneously.

Just by walking past her.

Oh, she tried to cover it up by arranging her features into something polite and gracious.  She tried to stop her bubbling giggles from overflowing again by saying 'Well, don't you look adorable!'

Yes, yes I do look adorable.  Adorably odd and bulbous.  And as bad as I am at parking my new child-hauling minivan, I'm even worse at hiding my belly from view when it's the obvious subject of hilarity.  So try to avert your gaze if you see me coming.

It's probably for the best.

6 comments:

  1. Oh there's nothing worse than someone laughing at your cute baby belly! I was trying to purchase a watermelon at 9 mo pregnant and there was seriously a crowd laughing at my double melon walk...it's okay, I drowned my sorrows in that watermelon! Congrats on the minivan! Perfect for loading up all your little blessings!

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  2. I too have resisted the minivan fate, my friend. But now I'm at the point where I actually WANT one, a point I never thought I'd see! And...I can't park anyway, so there wouldn't be too much of a downside!

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  3. I want a mini van soo bad, I never saw that one coming! After children things certainly change, like wanting to drive a cool car! What kind did you get? What color? Do you recommend it?

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  4. Seeing as how I can't park a Corolla, I'm thinking I'd be in real trouble with a minivan!

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  5. Yay on the minivan! Me? I'm ready for the 12-passenger, lol! :) That would be quite a step down in the coolness factor from our current SUV... (We had a minivan before this vehicle!)

    And one more thing... That post just makes me want to beg on my knees for a belly pic! Preeeety pleeeease!?

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  6. Try driving a 15 passenger van. I park far from entrances now, just so I can get a pull-through space. I used to back into spaces when I drove my Ford Freestyle, but now I try to avoid driving backwards as much as possible. I miss my little crossover. Driving the Beast is an adventure every day.

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Hmm...And how did that make you FEEL?