Welcome To The Ugly Car Club!

Oh, friends.  I may have been expecting a big ole' laughing pity-party last week when I posted the story of my first car. 

I may have expected to hear that my own first car was -- by far -- the worst first vehicle to ever have graced a teenager's driveway, even if it was only a joke of an unveiling. 

But I didn't expect to laugh so much when you all told me about the cars you've had.  And there were some doozies.  Let's get started, shall we?  (With pictures I found all over the internet, not actually from my readers' past.  I'm not that nosy.  Usually.)

First up, Catholic Mutt had a gas-guzzling Plymouth Reliant.  I was super excited to hear this, because one of my best friends in high school drove a Reliant.  Hers was brownish-yellowish-bronzish, and she covered it in girl-power bumper stickers.  The old Reliant...

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Elizabeth had a Buick Skylark (about which her family made some impolite comparisons!):

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Now, I was a little jealous of Stacia's first car: an '88 Maxima.  But it wasn't the car that made me jealous, it was the unabashed love she had for her vehicle.  That, and the awesome nickname her car wore: Veronica Maxima.  Is that the coolest name ever, or what?!

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My friend Jill showed a similar love of her first car, and often threatens her husband with purchasing one just for kicks.  And while many men would be happy to own a 'classic', I'm not sure Jill's husband would agree that a 1985 Dodge Omni classifies as...classic.  What do you think?  Is this car cool?

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Katie's first car touched a nerve with me.  It was a 1984 Mercury Topaz.  Red.  And that is the exact kind of car I was hoping for when my dad took me to those used-car lots.  Something small and unobtrusive.  Neither so noticeable for its hideousness, nor very stand-out-ish for its perfection.  But I didn't get a Topaz.  Sigh.

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Jamie had a wash-free car -- a tan Ford Thunderbird -- but I don't know the year!  Was this about right, Jamie?  I wouldn't have been ashamed of this car, either.  My Uncle Buck car could have fit 3 Thunderbirds in its undercarriage alone...

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Oh, Lori.  Lori, Lori, Lori.  I didn't think too badly of your first car (even knowing of its un-openable passenger door) until I scrounged up a representative photo.  You poor girl...your parents owe you big time!  But, I guess, to look on the bright side, a car like this Plymouth Gran Fury has GOT to build character:

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Hyacynth's car was from the 90's -- a clear case of someone trying to prove her superiority above all the vastly older 1980's cars... -- and it seemed pretty straightforward.  A 1995 Pontiac Bonneville.  But she made me laugh, oh so hard.  Because her car's nickname?   The name her friends gave to her car?  Was Bonerville.  Oh, I die...I just DIE!

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I almost want to skip over Emily's first car.  It's far too pretty and presentable to show up on our list of ugly cars...but in the interest of fairness (and to prove that we underlings can be friends with officer's wives), I'll allow an exception.  Emily is wonderful even if her car was pretty!  Feast your eyes on this little beauty: a 1998 Honda Civic. 

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Another too-lovely vehicle to grace our list of clunkers is my friend Katie's car. (Get a blog already, Katie!)  She drove a brand new, 1995 Mazda Protege.  A car my hooptie would have dwarfed and then stomped upon.  Which would have been a waste, given the beauty of the Protege.  Very cool car, Katie; now scram!  Before we leak some of our ugliness onto you!

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What a bunch of cars we had, huh?  And don't worry -- I'll reveal my real first car this week.  It's not bad -- it's actually pretty cool.  Far too cool for the likes of me, as my brother repeatedly assured me.

But for one last parting shot...would you like to know what my handsome husband used to pick up ladies with?  The car he counted on to secure his awesomeness and supplement his already excessive good-looks?
A 1989 Oldsmobile Cutlass Sierra. 

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My poor, gorgeous husband.  My Uncle Buck car would have gassed his Cutlass out before they could have even made it past first base.  But it would have been a close race.