Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Here's The Truth

The truth is, I don't feel like I'm turning 28 today.  20, maybe.  22, more likely.  But 28? 

I don't feel like I'm old enough, mature enough, in-charge enough, to be a 28-year-old mother of two.

Here's what I do feel like:

A champion pretender.  I can whip up a good imaginary world for my daughters several times a day, and become the villain, the fairy godmother, the frog, or the shark at the drop of a hat.  But aren't these things too juvenile for a girl my age to be doing?  Shouldn't I be better about letting them play on their own while I do something important?  Like bill-paying?

A first-rate procrastinator.  I'd rather read a novel than figure out what's for dinner, and I'd rather go swimming than finish the laundry.  I think that's not unusual -- wouldn't most of us prefer the fun to the chore?  But aren't my willpower and self-control supposed to be more robust and steadfast than they are?  Aren't I, as a 28-year-old, supposed to be better disciplined?

The luckiest woman alive.  Even though I don't think I'm very equipped for this life of parenthood and home ownership, it somehow feels good to me.  I'm surrounded by the best things in life -- love, joy, peace, (air conditioning...) -- and I don't deserve a bit of it.  How could I?  I'm only 20 years old in my mind!  (Does dementia settle in so early?!) 

The truth is...I'm happy.  I just don't know how I got here:  Pictures on my walls of two beautiful girls, the scent of aftershave lingering in my bathroom, toys dripping in the bathtub, leftovers in the refrigerator, a handsome man walking in the door every evening....this is my life?

I'm 28.

I'm a wife, a mother, an adult.

I'm starting to see it, faint around the edges, stronger every day:

This life -- this beautiful life -- is my truth.

(Happy Birthday to me!)


  1. Happy happy HAPPY Birthday!
    عيد ميلاد سعيد
    ("Ide mee-lad sigh-eed!")


  2. Awww happy birthday! I hope it's sweet and special and filled with hugs and kisses!

  3. I turned 29 in July, and I could have written this post! Do any of us really feel old enough for this gig?

  4. Happy Birthday, Sarah!!! What a wonderful *adult* you are to your beautiful girls and hubby! :) Enjoy your day!

    I turn 3-0 in a couple of months... EEEEK! Seriously!? It seems like hubby and I were just love-crazed teens, and now we're in the complete thick of being "adults"... It's both a bit empowering and intimidating, right!?

  5. Happy Birthday!! Beautiful entry :)

  6. You are...
    a child of God
    a compassionate person
    a loving wife
    a wonderful mother
    a trusted friend
    a gifted writer
    the bearer of a beautiful life.
    Happy Birthday, dear one!

  7. Happy Birthday! Here is to another year with your beautiful family that you bless with your love of life and youthful enthusiasm!!

  8. Happy Birthday Sarah!! :)
    I hope you have a wonderful day!!

  9. Happy birthday! If you aren't old enough to be 28, how do you think I feel when I remember I'm 35? :)

  10. Have a swell birthday Sarah! 28? Ouch! That makes me feel so old!

  11. Indeed, Sarah! Happy Birthday to you! xoxo

  12. Happy, happy birthday.

    I used to dread birthdays - but I've started to realized that things just keep getting better so letting go of one year just means new adventures and more fun. I hope the same is true for you.

  13. Twenty-eight sounds great to me!

    Hope you had a wonderful day!

  14. Happy Birthday Sarah! I often feel the same way.

  15. happy birthday. and you are never too old to procrastinate :)

  16. Happy birthday!!! Looooove you!!!

  17. Happy Birthday Sarah! Cheers to many more happy returns of the day :)

  18. I've walked around just wondering and wondering lately the same thing -- this is my life. And wondering how on Earth I got to this lovely, crazy, sleepless place.
    Hope it was the lovliest of days, my friend.

  19. Happy belated birthday, youngun'! You make me feel like an old fart. ;)


Hmm...And how did that make you FEEL?