Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Here's The Truth

The truth is, I don't feel like I'm turning 28 today.  20, maybe.  22, more likely.  But 28? 

I don't feel like I'm old enough, mature enough, in-charge enough, to be a 28-year-old mother of two.

Here's what I do feel like:

A champion pretender.  I can whip up a good imaginary world for my daughters several times a day, and become the villain, the fairy godmother, the frog, or the shark at the drop of a hat.  But aren't these things too juvenile for a girl my age to be doing?  Shouldn't I be better about letting them play on their own while I do something important?  Like bill-paying?

A first-rate procrastinator.  I'd rather read a novel than figure out what's for dinner, and I'd rather go swimming than finish the laundry.  I think that's not unusual -- wouldn't most of us prefer the fun to the chore?  But aren't my willpower and self-control supposed to be more robust and steadfast than they are?  Aren't I, as a 28-year-old, supposed to be better disciplined?

The luckiest woman alive.  Even though I don't think I'm very equipped for this life of parenthood and home ownership, it somehow feels good to me.  I'm surrounded by the best things in life -- love, joy, peace, (air conditioning...) -- and I don't deserve a bit of it.  How could I?  I'm only 20 years old in my mind!  (Does dementia settle in so early?!) 

The truth is...I'm happy.  I just don't know how I got here:  Pictures on my walls of two beautiful girls, the scent of aftershave lingering in my bathroom, toys dripping in the bathtub, leftovers in the refrigerator, a handsome man walking in the door every evening....this is my life?

I'm 28.

I'm a wife, a mother, an adult.

I'm starting to see it, faint around the edges, stronger every day:

This life -- this beautiful life -- is my truth.

(Happy Birthday to me!)

23 comments:

  1. Happy happy HAPPY Birthday!
    عيد ميلاد سعيد
    ("Ide mee-lad sigh-eed!")

    :)

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  2. Awww happy birthday! I hope it's sweet and special and filled with hugs and kisses!

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  3. I turned 29 in July, and I could have written this post! Do any of us really feel old enough for this gig?

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  4. Happy Birthday, Sarah!!! What a wonderful *adult* you are to your beautiful girls and hubby! :) Enjoy your day!

    I turn 3-0 in a couple of months... EEEEK! Seriously!? It seems like hubby and I were just love-crazed teens, and now we're in the complete thick of being "adults"... It's both a bit empowering and intimidating, right!?

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  5. Happy Birthday!! Beautiful entry :)

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  6. You are...
    a child of God
    a compassionate person
    a loving wife
    a wonderful mother
    a trusted friend
    a gifted writer
    the bearer of a beautiful life.
    Happy Birthday, dear one!

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  7. Happy Birthday! Here is to another year with your beautiful family that you bless with your love of life and youthful enthusiasm!!

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  8. Happy Birthday Sarah!! :)
    I hope you have a wonderful day!!

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  9. Happy birthday! If you aren't old enough to be 28, how do you think I feel when I remember I'm 35? :)

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  10. Have a swell birthday Sarah! 28? Ouch! That makes me feel so old!
    Best,
    Tina

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  11. Indeed, Sarah! Happy Birthday to you! xoxo

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  12. Happy, happy birthday.

    I used to dread birthdays - but I've started to realized that things just keep getting better so letting go of one year just means new adventures and more fun. I hope the same is true for you.

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  13. Twenty-eight sounds great to me!

    Hope you had a wonderful day!

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  14. Happy Birthday Sarah! I often feel the same way.

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  15. happy birthday. and you are never too old to procrastinate :)

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  16. Happy birthday!!! Looooove you!!!

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  17. Happy Birthday Sarah! Cheers to many more happy returns of the day :)

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  18. I've walked around just wondering and wondering lately the same thing -- this is my life. And wondering how on Earth I got to this lovely, crazy, sleepless place.
    Hope it was the lovliest of days, my friend.

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  19. Happy belated birthday, youngun'! You make me feel like an old fart. ;)

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Hmm...And how did that make you FEEL?