The Single Acceptable 98* Activity

Submerge your person as far as possible into a large body of cool water. The water should be cool enough that you feel the need to squeak and squeal momentarily, before realizing the pleasure of its refreshment and easing into it with an audible sigh.

When your body temperature is no longer close to the boiling point, feel free to frolic about. Let the hot blowing breezes warm your exposed skin as needed.

Occasionally, you may wish to climb completely out of the water in order to re-anticipate its cooling relief.

Passers-by may be open to the idea of a small bit of exercise; all you will need to worry about is how to recruit their assistance in entertaining you.

But once you show them the full value of their efforts, vis-a-vis, your own screams of delight, your assistant will surely acquiesce to doing your will for the duration of your adventure.

You must be sure to cause as much splashing as possible; exact amounts will be determined by your placement among shady or sunny locations in the body of water. The sunnier your location, the more water you must attempt to displace onto your immediate neighbors.

However much your co-swimmers may try to deny their enjoyment in your vigorous splashing, you must continue. Because you can be assured that eventually, they will crumble under your positive attitude, and enjoy your watery carousing right along with you.

However willing your assistants have become, you must be sure to thank them for their efforts. The most effective manner of communicating your thanks is a simple but heartfelt gesture: beg for repeat performances.

In this way they will be able to know how utterly refreshing and enjoyable your water-play has been. And they will be unable to resist your charms when you beg for an encore because while you have been the one laughing and shouting with glee, they have been reaping the benefits of that glee.

Namely, they've been able to cool down on an otherwise unbearably hot afternoon.

So really, YOU were assisting them. Congratulate yourself for accomplishing such a selfless good deed.