Friday, May 8, 2009

7 Quick Takes Friday, #13




1. What a week. After a year-long battle with lung cancer, my grandma passed away on Sunday evening. She was surrounded by our entire family, being hugged and held and kissed and rubbed until the very end. I hear that she went in a very peaceful way, compared to many lung cancer deaths, and I am grateful for that at least.

But. Don't you hate cancer? Just hate it? It's greedy. Sneaky. Painful. Everywhere.

Apparently I'm experiencing the anger phase of my grief. I've been here on and off since her diagnosis last March, and I don't know that I expect this anger, this hatred of cancer, to dissipate.

She lived valiantly, bravely, joyfully, even knowing what lay ahead of her. She found time to tell each one of us how much we meant to her, to pass down stories and wisdom to her loved ones in the time she had left. I pray that if I ever have to live through a disease like she did, that I will do so with even some small measure of her grace and peace.


2. I finally had the death talk with Mia. Circumstances being what they were, it happened before I was ready, but not soon enough, I think. Knowing that my grandma was terminally ill should have given me some amount of pants-kicking, but I am a procrastinator even in the best of times. This being among the worst of times, I waited until it couldn't be put off any longer. I talked to Mia the day before Grandma died.

She was cool with it. As only a 3 year old can, she pretty much accepted it and moved on. I'm glad she and my grandma were so close. I hope she'll have some memories of her wonderful GG, but for now, she just thinks GG is on a trip to a place called Heaven. She's happy that GG isn't sick anymore, and she fully expects to go visit her someday. Me too.


3. Poor Lauren has had about double the long week of the rest of us. Or at least it seems that way. Being pulled from her regular nap and meals routine, thrust into a houseful of relatives and fast food, all while getting a new tooth have worn the girl out. It's been a relief to get back to a normal day. My happy girl was a whining mess, and I can't say that I blame her. I did my fair share of whining as well.


4. My house has also seen better days. It has been seriously neglected during the past week, waiting patiently for its family to return from GG's house. The day before the funeral, I couldn't help but think now Grandma can see what a disgrace I am as a housekeeper! I always made sure the house was extra clean when she visited; she kept a spic & span house, and I couldn't bear for her to see mine messy. So I frantically straightened on Tuesday, not having the energy to tackle the entire mess. I did manage to scrub the bathrooms, though. That makes the whole house feel cleaner, in my opinion.


5. For Mother's Day, my wish is to spend the day with my mom. Simple...but perfect. She's been working so hard taking care of my grandma for the past several months that we haven't gotten to see each other as often as usual. Which is hard for a mama's girl like me. And having just lost her own mother, I think this Mother's Day will be hard for a mama's girl like her. If I'm feeling untethered and off-balance from the loss of my grandma, I can only imagine what my mom is feeling. So I'm hoping that by just spending some extra time together, we can begin to find a new balance.


6. I'm feeling kinda shy towards my blog now. I've never taken such a long time away (OK, a week isn't that long, but still...it's been a long week) since I began writing it, and I feel like I've sorta lost my grip on it. Once I started spilling secrets and laying out the minutiae of my life, it naturally poured from me. Now, it's been hard to open it all up again.

Several times this week I thought about writing a post, but upon wracking my brain I couldn't think of a thing that was important enough to say. Or I could only think of things that were too important to say. Quick Takes to the rescue. I can ramble and skip around and be incoherent. Because that's, like, in the rules or something.

I can feel a spring thaw coming. I'll melt and be gushing un-asked-for details before you can say TMI.


7. Seen any good movies lately?


For more Quick Takes (hopefully less morbid than these!) visit Jen at Conversion Diary. Have a nice weekend!

2 comments:

  1. Oh, these weren't morbid at all- My heart hurt reading about your loss. I was blessed to nurse my great-grandfather during the last few weeks of his life, and it was an incredibly intense, emotional experience- both during and after and even now when I think back on it. I pray that you find some peace as you work through this new existence without your grandmother here.

    On a lighter note, my hubby and I are planning on seeing TWO movies on our date night this week! (Ha ha, that's what we do when we can actually get away overnight from the kiddos.) I'll update you on what I think (we're probably going to see Wolverine and Star Trek.) Thanks for stopping by my page and commenting!

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  2. Not morbid! Just REAL life.

    I hope you get to spend mother's day with YOUR mother in peace and joy and celebration. I am so sorry your grandma passed away.

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Hmm...And how did that make you FEEL?